An open letter to English 110 students.

Hi kids! It's your friendly English Composition instructor here. You know, the one who put together a dazzling lesson on library resources and how to use them to better the world your papers? Yes, that one. The crazy one who keeps harping on about the difference between "there" and "their." Well, I've got a message for all of you brave little writers out there, chipping away at your research projects one Google at a time. And it is this: STOP USING GOOGLE. As you might remember from the aforementioned brilliant lesson, Google is great for finding out that someone else who has your name was once in a movie called Dead Dudes In The House. Or trying to see if your ex-boyfriend has been arrested/married/embarrassed on the internet yet. It is not, however, a good place to look for those scholarly sources that are so crucial to writing a good -- nay, an adequate research paper. That newsgroup post you found from "drama_queen87" about how the media so totally portrays women in a sexual way might not be a great source to prove that Ads Are Bad (which is a horrible paper topic anyway, but I digress). Ditto for anything on livejournal or xanga, no matter how authoritative the author sounds. I know that Google is easy, and it's right there. You can access it without having to go through that nasty, evil, complicated library webpage, with its confusing "databases" and "card catalogue." But, my little chickadees, listen to me here: I told you how to find articles just last week. Remember? Remember when we looked for articles on Dick Cheney in three different databases, and how we laughed at the results? Remember that golden moment when one of you raised your brave little hand and asked if this had anything to do with your papers? Yes? Good. Stop coming to me with a list of really awful websites and then giving me a blank look when I ask if you checked Academic Search Premier. Also: please stop calling me "Mrs." It freaks me out. Warmest regards, Your Teacher P.S. I know you're smart. Stop making me doubt this.